Georgia Nicolson and the Attack of the Loons
by Esscence of Pie
Summary: Georgia is wrenched from her "ordinary" life when fresh loons move in next door - so it's out with the bottomosity, in with bespectacled madness. My first try at a Georgia Nicolson fanfic.
1. Chapter One :: Incoming Loon Alert

_**Halfo-Termo**_

**_Sunday 24th October_**

**9.10 a.m. **Life shines on me with a new light. Mutti just went to help Mr and Mrs Next Door because.... they are moving! I can't believe it, and I don't think Angus can either. He's sitting on the wall outside, mourning for the loss of the Pratt Poodles. Actually, I think he's eating Snowy's dog biscuits, but the mourning goes without saying.

**1.54 p.m. **I hate Sundays. They drag along so slooowly. When I look out the window, everything looks like it's in slow motion. Even the people walking!!! Oh no, that's just Mr Next Door weighed down by the immense weight of his bottom.

**_Monday 25th October_**

**9.10 a.m. **Up at the crack of nine. Because Mr and Mrs Next Door are moving today!! I was singing that well-known jingle, "Hallelujah for the Loons have Left This Earth", and Mutti got all shirty with me and said that I should do something caring and useful like making a leaving banner to hang up by their gate.

**9.25 a.m. **My banner says "Good riddance"

**9.46 a.m. **Exit well-bottomed loons, welcome fresh sanity!! I went to wave them off, minus banner because Mutti had a spazoid fit when she saw it (so unlike her...not.) Nobody appreciates my humorosity. And accurate factuality in the case of the banner.

**11.24 a.m. **Nobody knows who the new neighbours are going to be. Maybe the house will fall into disrepair if nobody comes along soon, and I could paint it and put groovy sofas in and the Fab Gang could use it as Gang Headquarters.

**4.46 p.m. **Plan thwarted! The moving van (more like a lorry) is here. But no neighbours.

**4.58 p.m. **Mutti told Libby that we had new people moving in next door, so she's made them a "pee-sent" (present). I already sympathize with them. It's a hat that Mutti gave Libby for Christmas, but she's stuck feathers in it and something rather brown and gungy. Good luck, neighbours.

**6.38 p.m. **Breaking news!! A car has pulled up outside the house! I can see the people getting out. There's a rather bald tall guy, an ordinary-looking mother-type figure, and two blonde girls. One of them is dancing.

**7.10 p.m. **Mutti, Libby and I went over to "welcome" (scare) the newbies. Libby gave the older blonde girl (Alex) her pee-sent. As we left Alex was wearing it. Good Lord.

**8.25 p.m. **I'm discreetly spying on the neighbours. Alex has left her curtains open and is unpacking. I have one of Mutti's scarves over my head and I'm resting my chin on the windowsill. And the rest of my head, obviously. If Alex looks up she'll probably think I have a model of a head with a scarf on it on my windowsill.

**8.29 p.m. **Damn. Alex looked up and saw me and yelled 'Hello Georgia!!' out of the window and waved like a bespectacled loon. Which she is, but I think she wears contact lenses as well because she didn't have glasses on earlier. I had to wave back. She probably thinks I am a loon to the tenth degree.

**8.36 p.m. **But then, so is she, so there should be no trouble in that department.

**8.56 p.m. **Oh dear God, Mutti is yelling for me to come downstairs. I wonder what I've done this time?

**9.17 p.m. **Alex was at the door!! She wants to know if I could "Come for a mooch." She is almost as bad as Jas. This is disturbing. But I may as well go; I have nothing better to do.

**9.32 p.m. **Strike me down for saying it, but this is actually quite fun (!) Alex is rambling on about things and asking me questions about "the neighbourhood." To which I said,

"Well, it's not exactly fun around here. There's generally a bearded loon hanging around to make sure your life is miserable."

She looked at me and blinked a bit. "Well, we'd better liven things up a bit."

I sort of got into the swing of things and said, "We need a plan of whatsit. Action. Hobnobs."

There was a little silence while we both thought, and then she said "I have one!!"

"You have a hobnob?"

"No, a plan! We could...steal my dad's shaving foam and decorate the streets!"

Maybe she is not all well in the head department. I'm going to make an excuse to go home, and ... er... go home.

**10.23 p.m. **Sitting in bed. I can't decide whether Alex is groovy bananas enough to be my friend.

**10.31 p.m. **I just realised that Alex was wearing the hat Libby gave her when we went on our "mooch". Libby will start thinking she is Jesus next, and worshipping her.


	2. Chapter Two :: Girlish Type Things

**_Tuesday 26th October_**

**11.10 a.m. **Rosie called, we're all going to a gig tomorrow night!! Fun, fun, I have FRIENDS again! La la la la la, le Fab Gang are going to groove the night away. It's for under-eighteens. So even if the SG was here, he couldn't play. But I have decided that I am over him. Completely. Utterly.

**12.36 p.m. **Jas, Jools, Rosie and Ellen are coming over before le gig tomorrow. We are going to do girlish-type things. Apparently.

"What do you mean, girlish-type things?" I said on the phone to Ro.

"Well, not boyish-type things. Or lezzie-things."

"Oh good, that's always nice to know."

"It is indeed. Well, I've got to go do potatoes with Sven."

"Of course you have. Goodnight, mon petite amie."

"Bonsoir."

So you see, I am not quite sure what things I will be doing avec le Fab Gang. Ah well, still muchos excitamento!

**2.57 p.m. **I felt very restless with pent-up energy sans SG, so I did some solitary disco-inferno to "Blue Suede Shoes" by Elvis (no, not Mr Attwood, sorry to get you all excited. Erlack!!)

**3.32 p.m. **Libby came to join me and started licking my legs, so I stopped dancing and had to try and pull her off. Not as easy as it sounds. I shall still have the teeth marks when school starts again. Ick, I don't want to think about Stalag 14.

**7.02 p.m. **In my desperation I have found myself on the phone to Alex. It is disturbing, really.

"Ah, we meet again." She said, before I even said who I was. Freaky-deaky.

"Hello, Alex. Erm...it's Georgia."

"I know."

"How did you know?" 

There was a silence. Then she said, "Oh, I'm tapping my nose by the way."

"Right."

It went on in a similar fashion.

**10.45 p.m. **In bed. Vair vair nippy noodles. Ahhh, Mutti has put a hot water bottle in my bed for me.

**10.49 p.m. **Oh no, wait, that's Angus chewing a bird's head and getting blood and feathers all over the sheets. Thank you, God.

**11.04 p.m. **In a rare moment of sanity and goodwill Mutti got rid of the bird's brains and changed my sheets and duvet. I pretended to faint with shock when I saw.

**11.34 p.m. **Libby wandered in with a piece of string, looking for her "Angus Baby" (an old jelly worm she's been dragging round on its "lead" for the past few days), because he is "pissed gone" as she so quaintly put it. I blame M and D, for her unusual and traumatic upbringing.

**11.47 p.m. **I also blame Angus, due to the fact that I can see him eating Libbs' Angus Baby on the garden wall. It was probably kinder to put it out of its' misery.

**11.49 p.m. **Sudden realisation; Angus is eating his own baby!

**12.01 a.m. **Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Night-night, world.

_Sorry, really short chapter. I just want to get this up as I write it. Please review!_


	3. Chapter Three :: Gig Avec Le Fab Gang

_**Wednesday 27th October**_

**11.42 a.m. **Ahhh. Doing Yoga. Hommm, homm, calm and flooowing.

**11.57 a.m.** Ow. Mutti came in and tripped over me! Oh so painful...but I must be calm, and flowing, so I will be glowing serenely by the time the gang come over to do our girlish-type things.

**12.03 p.m.** Mutti handed the phone to me. It was Alex. Again. Does she have no life?? (Don't answer that question.)

"Alex, why are you calling me again? I was doing my yoga!"

"I know. My dad could see you from his window so he started doing his own kind of "yoga". We don't think the damage is permanent, but I suggested to my Mohair that we take him to hospital anyway."

"Your...what?"

"My Mohair. My mum."

"Oh, right. I call my mum my Mutti."

"I see."

"Yes."

"I can see you from my window." I looked out the window and there she was, leaning on the windowsill and waving for England. She was wearing purple lipstick. Good Lord.

"I...er...like your lippy."

"Thanks!! Well, I have to be off, but I'll come round later, OK? I'm going to a gig tonight, though, so I can't stay long. Bye!"

Oh Holy Jebus in Himmel. She will be at the gig! The Gang will be exposed to her bespectacled freakosity!! Will they ever recover?

Non, is the answer to that question.

**4.34 p.m. **The Gang are here. But not a whiff of glasses or blonde insania. I am all jumpy, I can't even concentrate on putting this face pack on. See what you have done to me, Alex!!

**5.10 p.m. **Someone's knocking on the door!! Mutti is yelling for me to answer it. As if I didn't have enough to do, trying to make sure I don't accidently cut off my nails because of my nervosity. Why do I have such a caring nature?

**5.34 p.m. **When I opened the door Alex yelled "SUPRISE!!" and jumped on me. She is still wearing the Libbs hat. And the lippy. And she's wearing a blue bikini top and black jeans. HELP ME BUDDAH!!

**5.57 p.m. **I was sooo freaky-deaked out by Alex that I didn't think for one second that the Gang would actually LIKE her – but they do!! She says she's never put a face pack on. Even though she is sixteen. We are educating her on the ways of the sane world.

**6.37 p.m. **Alex called her mates to say that she won't be meeting them to go to the gig, because she's going with us. I was agog as seven gogging gogs.

"There are MORE of you?!"

"Well, yes, I have some friends." She said demurely, rubbing off the purple lippy and putting some black (!) lippy on.

"What are they like?"

"Well, there's Nikki and Amie and Alex, they're all insane, and, er, CJ and Minka and Holly, they're all insane too...so, yeah."

Nikki, Amie and Alex are going to the gig. We have to call OUR Alex Lexi to stop the confusosity. Even though apparently Nikki and Amie call the other Alex Lexi as well. It is all bringing on a little bit of stupid brain.

**6.48 p.m. **We were about to go downstairs when Ellen suddenly noticed what Alex was wearing.

"Aren't you going to get changed?" she said.

"No." Alex was wearing the black jeans and the bikini top, bright pink lipstick and a fake lip piercing, lots of black eyeliner, weird dangly earrings in the shape of guitars, yellow (!) trainers and her Libbs hat.

"Don't you want to wear anything a little more...normal?"

"This is normal." She said innocently. Ellen didn't say anything; she just looked at the Libbs hat.

**7.17 p.m. **At the groovy bananas gig!! Alex met her friends and went off to dance with them somewhere, and le Gang of Fab are just hanging out...well, Ellen is still in a bit of a weird mood about Dave the L, and Rosie's worried about Sven, but at least they are dancing.

**7.34 p.m. **Oh God, this is embarrassing. Alex came over just now and made me dance with her...not just ordinary groovy dancing, COSSACK dancing. I am emotionally and (probably) physically scarred.

**10.56 p.m. **In bed. It was all surprisingly fun, really. Tom was there, so Jas went off to the snack table (top romantic location) with him. Ellen and Rosie went off to the loos, so I was all on my larry until Alex and her mates made me dance with them. They are living in a town a little south of Groovsville, Arizona, more like Loonsville, Arizona. But Cossacks will be Cossacks.

**11.04 p.m.** What in Buddha's name am I on about?!

**12.32 a.m.** Dave the L. wasn't at the gig. Why do I care? It's Ellen who should care. And I'm sure she does. Muchly. Ahhh, stupid brain, stupid brain.

**12.52 a.m.** Libby has come to join me, with her "fwends" (thank God Angus got rid of Angus Baby, or it would be even MORE hard to get to sleep)

**1.32 a.m. **Sitting on the windowsill. Thinking. Libbs has finally gone to sleep. I can see Alex, she's still got her curtains open. She's sitting on her bed, playing her guitar. Like the SG in a skirt.

**1.35 a.m. **Erlack, that sounds lezzie!! I don't mean that I think of her as an SG. It's the whole guitar thing.

**1.53 a.m. **Still on the windowsill. Talking to Alex. She came out and sat on her windowsill so she could talk. We opened the windows, obviously, or there would be a lot of mime involved. Somehow I have found myself telling her the whole SG-Dave the L-Ellen etc story. It is probably because I am under the influence of alcohol. Even though I haven't drunk anything alcoholic. It is just the mysterious way in which Buddha works. Like Dad, when he's putting up sheds or shelves or fences, and he calls it "DIY". A mystery to anyone, I'm sure you'll agree.

**3.32 a.m. **Finally back in "my" bed. I have about three centimetres of space – Libby is lying all stretched out in the middle of the mattress, with her fwends around her. It was weird and sort of cleansing, telling everything to Alex. I think she fell asleep against the side of the window at one point, but I just raised my voice a bit and she started nodding and blinking again. At one point Angus actually climbed her drainpipe and sat in her lap. It is another of life's unanswerable questions. Libbs and Alex must have some kind of animal magnet thinger. Like I am a babe magnet. Except with animals. Like Mark, BG, my ex. Oh God, more stupid brain.

_Eh, I think I am losing my hilariosity 0.o Anyway, THANK YOU FOR MY ONE REVIEW NIKKI!! Please, guys, review more!_


	4. Chapter Four :: Down the Plughole and In...

_**Thursday 28th October**_

**10.23 a.m. **On the phone to Alex. It must be some sort of disease. We may as well just open the windows and shout between the houses, because I can see her sitting on her bed and she can see me sitting in the windowsill. But, anything to annoy Vati.

**10.36 a.m. **Alex thinks the gig went quite well. Hmmm. Her friend Ben is in a band called the Flaming Monkeys. Once again I question the sanity of her and her friends.

'Well, I think it's a cool name.' She said. I could see her applying muchos eyeliner in the mirror. I couldn't see her in my mirror – that would be freaky-deaky, but I could see her looking in her mirror...yes. Anywhere, where was I before I rudely interrupted myself? Oh yeah, so then she turned around to the window and I raised my eyebrows at her.

'A cool name? Right, well, yes, whatever floats your...'

'Banana?'

'What?'

'I asked my Latin teacher whether or not bananas float today.'

'Oh, that's nice, anyway-'

'He didn't know.'

'Yes, well, you can't blame him.'

'Why not?'

'Well...it's not his job to know whether they float or not.'

'Has he never experimented? Stepped over the line between normalness and insanity, raved on the wild side?'

'He's your Latin teacher, you said?'

'Oh yeah, well, I suppose not then.'

She threw me completely off track with her blondeness and rambling. At least she doesn't have a fringe, like Jas. Well, obviously I have a fringe, but I don't look like a fool with it. Like she does. Jas, not Alex. Yes, well. Ahem.

**11.03 a.m.** I wonder why I haven't seen or heard from Dave for a while. He's probably busy dancing around somewhere. In the rain. With eyebrows, and a fringe. What has Alex done to my brain?? No, don't answer that.

**5.39 p.m.** I called Alex to see if she would come round, but she didn't. She said she had a hot date with Scooby Doo, God knows which poor fool is going out with her. I already feel for him.

**5.56 p.m. **For some reason I again find myself thinking of Dave the L. And how I was so mean before when I used him as Herring before I hooked the SG. And all the accidental snogging. Maybe I should call him.

**6.34 p.m. **Vair vair scary!! I was about to pick up the phone and I looked out the window and saw Dave walking along, with flowers and chocolates!!! Very quick mascara and lippy emergency application!

**6.43 p.m. **Answered the door and there was nobody there – I looked around, feeling like a fool, then went back inside and was about to close the door when Dave leapt out and shouted "Boo!!!" very loudly. I had a nervy b. and jumped in the air like a startled earwig. Not a great look.

'Hallo, Gorgey Georgie. Can't stay long, I have a pressing engagement, but I just came by to say hello and you will always be the one and only nostril-singer in my life.'

'Right, er, yes.' I didn't really know what to say to that. 'Do you have time for a coffee?'

'No, sorry, I must dash. I'm away laughing!' and with that he tap-danced back up the driveway to the street. With the chocolates and flowers. Which were not for me. Crap.

**6.44 p.m. **In my room. Ran up here like a mad thing to watch Dave go down the road. Hang on, he's stopped on the pavement. Has he dropped something?? No, he's going up the path to Alex's house!!

**6.44 p.m. and half a minute ** Alex has answered the door. THIS CANNOT BE!! He has given her the chocolates, and the flowers, and, and....

Gone inside.


	5. Chapter Five :: A Handy Knicker Hanky

_**Thursday 28th October**_

**6.45 p.m. **Oh Goddy God. No. This isn't happening. Dave wouldn't do this to me!!

**6.46 p.m. **Then again. I haven't exactly been his willing love slave. But couldn't he see that it wasn't my fault? Maybe this is my fringe speaking, but ... oh no. I don't make any sense.

**6.48 p.m. **Libby just came in and saw me crying. She said 'Knickers on Ginger!' and gave me a pair of Mutti's knickers. Thank you, Libby, I can use them as a circus tent.

**6.54 p.m. **Watching avidly out of the window. I'm all sniffy and wet. God, please don't say I'm turning into Lindsay. Or P. Green. Or...anyway. I don't see any activity. Which means that they're probably just having a coffee. Or hopefully, Dave isn't dating Alex, he's dating her mum!

**6.56 p.m. **Erlack! Bad thoughts, bad thoughts.

**7.03 p.m. **Dave and Alex just came out of her house. Alex is actually still wearing her Libbs hat. What DOES he see in her? I mean, she doesn't even have a fringe! But, then again, she is blonde. But didn't Dave like me? I'm not blonde. Well, maybe I am at heart. Dave and Alex are walking down the road, away from my window so I can't really see them any more. Poo.

**7.14 p.m. **It feels crap just sitting here and looking out of the window. Waiting for them to come back. I would have gone on an Emergency Stalking Mission, but I look all puffy and red from crying and I can't be bothered to put on any make-up.

**7.18 p.m. **I can't believe I just wrote that. That just shows how deeply I am hurt. Really and truly. I want to die. I keep blowing my nose on Mutti's knickers. They really are a handy hanky.

**7.38 p.m. **I'm writing a song. Alex told me once that I should channel my emotion my writing songs. So, I'm writing one. It goes like this.

"I love Davey,

Like I love gravey,

Alex stole him away,

I wish I was gay."

**7.41 p.m. **Well. I didn't say it was a good song.

**8.37 p.m. **Finally, they are coming back!! Alex seems to be laughing an awful lot. She's trying way too hard, and it's extremely obvious. They've got to Alex's doorstep. Do I really want to see this? The answer is yes. They're still talking.

**8.43 p.m. **Oh, great. This is how I love to spend my Thursday evenings. Watching my next door neighbour being practically eaten alive by my ex-boyfriend.

**8.58 p.m. **The phone is ringing. I bet it's Alex. I'll have to sit there and act pleased for her. My life is so unbelievably crap.

**9.18 p.m. **I am so right.

"Hello Ginger!"

"Alex, the only person who calls me Ginger is Libby. Are you willing to admit you have the same amount of brain as her?"

"No need to be like that, Ginger! Anyway, I just had an unbelievably brilliant date with my boyfriend, Dave. You know him, don't you? He said he knew you."

"Oh, er, Dave? The Dave, er, with the possums? Er. Yes." I looked out the window and she was giving me a very strange look.

"Er, yes, whatever. Anyway. We talked a bit, then snogged a bit, then talked. It was marvy!"

Marvy?! How dare she use one of my words!

"Really? Oh, that's good."

Then she laughed, which sounded like a parrot being throttled. "You...you'll never guess what Dave says." She spluttered. Oh, I bet I can.

"What?" I said innocently, trying to hide my boredom.

"He...he said, 'nippy noodles'." She said, and collapsed laughing again. I said "Ha, ha, ha." As calmly as possible, seeing as I wanted to just nip over to her house and throttle her. Once she'd got over that completely hilarious little comment, she managed to talk again.

"Anyway, it was marvy with knobs on!"

"I'm sure it was. I have to go now." I said.

"Oh, OK." She didn't sound that disappointed. Well. Hah on her. She who laughs last laughs the laughingest.

"Bye." I said quickly, then slammed the phone down and now I'm in bed with the light off so I can cry in peace.


End file.
